FOUR COURSE MEAL: PART FOUR

Seriously, how many parts are there going to be? Well to be honest, as many as possible. Sometimes a topic only needs a small mention as opposed to a full-page dissertation. The American attention span is getting smaller by the hour to the point where sex, drugs and twitter will seem like watching Braveheart. Not that I’m knocking Braveheart… as a matter of fact, after I’m done writing, I think I’ll watch it. I mean the battles were awesome, the French Princess chick was smoking, and the crazy Irish dude…anyways on to the topics.

 

          The Purge:

 

Finally, after months of hesitation and reading bad reviews, I gave in and watched a movie that has without a doubt, the most horrifying premise ever put to film and that includes surgically attaching people together to make them resemble a Centipede. Imagine a United States where for one night a year, all crime was legal. Think about it, from 7pm to 7am, absolute bedlam, no police, no hospitals, no fire rescue. You and your family are on their own, even your neighbors can’t be trusted. The movie focuses mainly on one family, so you never get that full sense of the appalling chaos that is going on just outside their high class neighborhood. As most horror movies go, the dialogue is rather weak and the characters are very generic, but as far as the tension is concerned, I was for the most part, locked in and a little sweaty. Maybe from reading all those bad reviews, I came away from the movie feeling somewhat satisfied, maybe because I didn’t spend money to go see it. Despite all it’s flaws, including a name that sounds more like a weight-loss program, I feel this series could turn into something very interesting and maybe an ongoing story that draws to a huge conclusion and will hopefully turn some heads in the world of cinema…or not.

 

          Lunch in the Workplace:

 

Have you ever watched people struggle after lunch at work? Try it sometime, pick out a few people and study their behavior before they stuff that microwave burrito down their gullet and after as they become hauntingly quiet and rub their stomachs as to wonder why for the eighty-third day in a row that they ate that over-processed pile of s%#t. You may even catch someone sleeping at their desk.  Go ahead and quietly observe this phenomenon, unless you’re one of those people, in which case I look forward to watching you and laughing. Here’s a tip, if your workplace one day offers free lunch, turn it down. You know those pizzas they ordered are going to be nothing but a gastric nightmare even though you’ve caved several times in the past just so you wouldn’t have to make your own lunch the night before. Just say no. The ass-cramps just aren’t worth it and your certainly capable of making a sound decision that will leave you and your surrounding coworkers in a more pleasant state.

 

          Traffic Laws:

 

I feel like a Coldplay song should start playing whenever you see something completely asinine in traffic. It’s a true sign that our world and its rules are falling apart. What drives me bananas is while the police are feverishly hunting down modest speeders, they’re not looking for jerk-offs who don’t use their turn signal as if the function wasn’t available on their car or those fools blocking busy intersections. These are the true offenders of the road. All you’re doing is slowing traffic for other intersections and creating huge butterfly effect even Ashton Kutcher couldn’t figure out. The cops should focus more on crushing these types of traffic felons and less on someone doing eighty in a sixty-five. However, if they drive a Subaru, double the fine.

 

          Raw Artists (www.rawartists.org)

 

Just a quick piece on an event that’s taking place next weekend, A great way to support independent artists, designers and musicians in a city near you is to visit rawartists.org and look for what’s coming up near you. My first experience will be down in Boston at Club Rumour Sunday, March 23rd.  I’m hoping to see some really far out and incredibly detailed pieces from people all over the area. Maybe I’ll even snap a few photos, but then again, I’d rather enjoy the event then be holding a stupid a camera the whole time. So I encourage people to get their own tickets and check it out for themselves. If it’s good, I’ll be the first one to say it, but if it’s pompous and a waste of time and money, I’ll tell you straight up to save your money and use it on something more important, like rent or child support.