YOU

How am I going to pile up the word count this week? I’m sitting here asking myself the same question. I want to talk about one of my favorite local Szechuan places, but I will offend 4.2 billion people in Asia. I want to talk about the current media fixation on bullying, but I will offend some soccer mom who coddles their child too much. I want to talk about…a lot of things. But I will offend someone, guaranteed. So what do I do? Better yet, what do YOU do? Imagine political correctness in every aspect of your life. How you wake up, what position you sleep in, how you shave, where you shave, how to eat, how to drink, how to fart (ladies included). You can’t say “hi”, it has to be “hello”. It’s like a bad network comedy. Am I drunk? Question is, are YOU drunk? And if you’re not, maybe you should be. Maybe you have eaten too many French fries, oops don’t want to offend the French! Maybe you could stand to gain a few pounds.

Reread that opening statement…go on, I’ll wait for you…

Okay, lets continue, how many times have you looked at your phone in the last twenty minutes, how long have you been on the computer besides reading my articles? How long have you been watching TV? You go to work for 9 hours and stare at a computer screen or a cash register, and then you go home and stare at a computer screen, TV screen or phone screen until you go sleep.

The overload of useless information and corporate guidelines will follow you home rather frequently where you can easily be consumed with the same issues. This leads me to my point…and it’s that I don’t have one.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing for you, I really do, but does there always have to be clear path with an honest message at the end? Ask yourself this question; what do you want to do right now at this very moment? Do you want to try that new pastry place down the street? Do you want to book a flight to San Francisco and see the sights? Do you want to try open mic night at your local comedy club? Do you want to bang that red-head with the little shorts at your gym? Why haven’t you? Are you afraid that you’ll miss an important email or a social media message? Are you afraid of the carbs from that food will make your ass jiggle a bit too much? Are you afraid you’ll bomb at the club or offend someone in the crowd? Are you afraid you’ll drink too much and throw up? Are you afraid that you can’t afford the plane ticket? Are you worried the redhead has a significant other and will turn you down?

Never stopped me and never will, why should it stop you? We only get one shot at this life, and no matter what point you're at in life, you still have at least one of these options available to you on any given day that you wake up and take a deep breath. Maybe your excuse is that you don’t have enough time in your day. If that’s the case, then I recommend the movie “Crank” with Jason Statham, you’ll learn time management awfully fast.

What the hell are you waiting for? Turn off that sad hipster music, track down that Ginger Broad and invite her out for some fruity cocktails. You’ll thank yourself later when she giggles about her days as a college gymnast and even though you have to work early tomorrow, she won’t mind bending your “clock”.

YOU are welcome, world.