POSITIVE SARCASM PRESENTS: GOOD LUCK

 

Before this year ends, I would hope to vomit all my remaining thoughts out before digging in for the remainder of winter as it’s far too cold to sit in my sun room and podcast, at the beginning of the episode, i would have a guest, but by minute 45, i would have a Popsicle. I do hope to take the microphones on the road and chat with people from Maine to New York, getting into their interests, feelings and hopes for the future. I think it’s important to scratch out your thoughts onto paper or listen to your recorded self, I guess that’s kind of the idea behind the gym “selfie”, but how many pics do we really need to take?

You do realize while you’re doing that, by the end of the day an additional 93 million other people will have taken a selfie. Congratulations...you’re no longer different or special. Makes sense, considering you still live with your parents.

Since spring of 2015, I have taken one selfie, maybe it’s cus I don’t find myself that interesting or maybe cus I found more interesting things to post. Who wants to see my stress wrinkles anyway? You stand there in a dirty bathroom with your bicep pose like some Dana Lynn Bailey knockoff. An hour later you dump your culinary diarrhea onto the internet with some overcooked chicken and kale abomination, cus your so about that life. If I have offended you, that’s okay. Sometimes I enjoy poking the bear in spandex, plus it’s the end of the year and I’m only emptying whatever unfiltered garbage I have left in this spotty noggin of mine. If your suppose to be “working in silence and letting success be your noise”, why the fuck are you posting nearly everyday? Just admit it, you love the attention and you can’t sit in silence for less than 30 seconds without reaching for your phone. It’s okay, I’m right there with you at times, just be honest about it, just don’t show me a picture of cow shit and market it to me as Vegan Chocolate Cake. Oh my god, you FUCKING vegans...no no no. I won’t. Not today. You get a pass for now. I eat avocados also...with a side of Flank Steak.

 

 

I have this little routine of mine, about everyday, i will walk(I’m not lazy) across the street for coffee and sit there for about 20 minutes, i know exactly when the lights are going to change, it’s that beautiful moment in time that I have the universe nailed down to the second. I get there and my coffee is already waiting for me, plus when it’s summer out, i can sit in the chairs outside and listen to ambient traffic noise and i won’t even look at my phone at all. I’ll let everything vent right out of me, just a little wormhole in time where nothing exists. That’s when the Armored Money Truck rolls up next to the building and leaves the diesel motor running, effectively ruining my entire moment of zen. The pure rage I feel at this moment towards the drivers of this big red box of noise is the stuff of nightmares. Can’t you park out back? It’s coffee, not Bank of America. Noone’s planning a hit on Starbucks and making a break for it with a supply of Dark Roast.

 

I guess 2016 has annoyed all of us in some way. We all are left asking what the hell happened, but I still have questions over a decade old that I’m trying desperately to catch up on, that i haven’t hit all of this years yet. I think that’s what I’m trying to get at. I enjoy asking questions. I prefer to learn new things, it’s important to everything that I do. Here’s what I want you to do. I don't care what age you are, I want you to pick out 5 to 10 questions about anything you want, write them down, then go research them, seriously, anything. From JFK’s assassination to the why you enjoy reality TV so much. A massive segment of the worlds population either can’t learn or simply refuses to learn and if we stop asking questions and pushing for answers, then we’ll never be in a position to understand the ultimate trilogy of questions that are inside all of us, why are we here, how did this all truly happen and where are we going? For a moment in time, i was doubtful that we would never come close as a race of people to asking these questions, now I believe somewhere down the road, before it all comes to an end, we may be able to answers to all three.

So if we could all take a minute and stop with the selfies, political finger pointing, the careless popping of anti-depressants, the popularity of “Fuck-Boying”, garbage memes and video taping concerts that we paid 100 bucks a ticket to go see, then maybe 2017 will have a few more bright spots then originally anticipated. Your complete effort depends on it though. 

 

My final written words of 2016...get to work.