Positive Sarcasm Presents: The Old Gunslinger

 

Guys, lets face it. The world doesn't need us anymore. In many cases, the world just doesn't want us. Just think about this for one moment, if the male species just disappeared off the face of the earth, would the human race continue? The answer, unfortunately, for dudes is yes. We have clinics all over the world filled with man-made mayonnaise, scientists are pretty close to being able to alter the gender of the baby thru genetic manipulation and impregnating the mother using in vitro fertilization.

Where do we fit in? Yes, I agree it's important to have a male figure in the home, but at this point, we are fading in the workforce, fading in college attendance, in many cases, fathers are seen as an expendable asset in the home and at a moments notice can be replaced with another dominant figure, while the booted male is left to deal with the loss on his own, while still paying out to a home he no longer can come back to. This may not seem fair, but life isn't fair, evolution isn't fair. We're becoming obsolete.

300 Men, the most skilled and disciplined warriors the world has ever known once stood toe to toe with imminent death at Thermopylae Pass, knowing very well they wouldn't be going home to their wives and children. They knew their time had come. Yet, there they stood, as men, as brothers with duty and honor and gave their lives so that their city of Sparta could live on, so they marched forward into oblivion and they are remembered till this day...as real men.

Sometimes you're sitting at a traffic light and a late 60's Mustang will pull up along side you, certainly isn't the fastest, most nimble machine out there and definitely isn't the most fuel efficient. Yet, you can't help but stare at it's timeless beauty, Even though the Mustang is still in production and has very high sales, that particular model will never be made again and we'll eventually be left with but only a handful of these vintage beauties cruising the streets or in museums. But when Petrol dies, so will they.

We did our part, but as the very idea of being born with a dick now becoming an actual liability, Our fun in the sun is slowly approaching it's September's eve, even tho we tried to modernize ourselves with the times, manscaping, dressing better, full time dads, yet we still forget to do the dishes, take out the trash, not pee all over the toilet seat, not swear when kids are around (although I see women do that quite often). As far as intimacy, once they design an android that can pound a chick for more than 5 minutes and give em a solid cuddle session afterwards, while they're getting screwed silly, men will be straight up fucked sideways.

Humanity won't need us anymore, we'll be missed for sure, but that wont stop the world from pushing us to the point that no matter what skills we may possess, it will be duplicated and perfected by either the opposite sex or by something synthetic. I can't really nail down specifics, as you probably figured out, I'll also be ancient history.

It's the end of an era boys, but hey, look what we've accomplished, despite all the crap that we've been thru, we gave it hell, we founded nations, businesses, and sports! Yeeeeaaahhh....sports. We deserve a beautiful goodbye, in my opinion. Lets raise our whisky glasses to what we are, vintage, classics that cannot be replicated. So men, grab that bottle of unopened brown liquor you were saving for a special occasion, cash out your 401K, grab your dog and let's all buy giant schooners so we can sail off into the sunset like we're at the end of a movie, like a hero, like a man, in peace. We are the old Mustangs, they don't make em like they use to...and they never will again.

Pack a lunch tho, it's going to be a long trip.