Positive Sarcasm Presents: Interview With a Sociopath

Well here’s something fun for a change! I know I’ve been crazy for quite sometime now, but I feel it’s only appropriate to label what kind of crazy I really am, so here are the red flags for one of life’s more notorious lunatics and see how “well” I do.

1. Narcissism

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) notes that sociopaths have an inflated sense of self. They are narcissists to the extreme, with a huge sense of entitlement, Dr. Seth Meyers, a clinical psychologist with the L.A. County Department of Mental Health, wrote for Psychology Today. They tend to blame others for their own failures.

Hmmmm…I have my own website, my Peanut Butter company has my name on the label and so does my license plate...so there’s that. I tend to blame people for stuff anyways, but I’ll normally blame myself for not seeing something coming, like I should be clairvoyant or something. Really, I should be, what store sells it and how can I get it.

2. Lying and exhibiting manipulative behavior.

Sociopaths use deceit and manipulation on a regular basis. Why? "Lying for the sake of lying. Lying just to see whether you can trick people. And sometimes telling larger lies to get larger effects," Dr. Stout told Interview Magazine.

The line between motivation and manipulation is a tricky one, but as I have previously discussed with one of my photographers, whether it’s positive or negative, manipulation is manipulation. So yup, guilty as charged. As far as lying, well I could just be lying to myself; which may be just as dangerous, but I’m going to tell and spread the truth, no matter how roadblocks it runs me into.

 3. Exhibiting a lack of empathy.

”They don't really have the meaningful emotional inner worlds that most people have and perhaps because of that they can't really imagine or feel the emotional worlds of other people," M. E. Thomas, a diagnosed sociopath and author of Confessions Of A Sociopath, told NPR. "It's very foreign to them.”

Never caring and no longer caring are very different, but yeah. If you have a problem and your only going to sit and complain about something and not do anything about it , then I just don’t give a shit, so another point for the Sociopath argument.

4. Showing a lack of remorse or shame.

The DSM-V entry on antisocial personality disorder indicates that sociopaths lack remorse, guilt or shame.

If I don’t know the answer, then it’s yes. I sometimes feel guilty when I have too many carbs or get free meals, but if I’m doing 90 on the highway and your doing 80 in the passing lane…you need to move for me…like now. Not sure if I answered that correctly, but yeah, no shame.

5. Staying eerily calm in scary or dangerous situations.

A sociopath might not be anxious following a car accident, for instance, M.E. Thomas said. And experiments have shown that while normal people show fear when they see disturbing images or are threatened with electric shocks, sociopaths tend not to.

During chaotic situations, I stay very calm and focused; panicking only makes the situation worse. I don’t go out of my way to look at disturbing images and the last time I was jolted by an electric shock, I was licking nine volt’s at the age of 12. Didn’t we all do that?

6. Behaving irresponsibly or with extreme impulsivity.

Sociopaths bounce from goal to goal, and act on the spur of the moment, according to the DSM. They can be irresponsible when it comes to their finances and their obligations to other people.

BINGO!!! Now we’re talking! Just read my articles!!!

This is a very good question. My universe consists of many challenges and objectives, so I’m constantly bouncing from one project to another, but I have timetables for all of them, so a lot of them have to get done. I consider it a plus that I can handle most of them myself with ease. I don’t prefer to do everything myself, I think it’s way cooler to have a team and coordinate with strong and efficient people. Some of my projects can speed up and others can slow down, but the completion percentage is high. I’m very much a spur of the moment kind of person when my routine allows for it. Finances…let’s just say I have a shit ton of reward points.

7. Having few friends.

Sociopaths tend not to have friends-not real ones, anyway. "Sociopaths don't want friends, unless they need them. Or all of their friends are superficially connected with them, friends by association," psychotherapist Ross Rosenberg, author of the Human Magnet Syndrome, told The Huffington Post.

Okay, I have a problem with this question. I find that everyone is a sociopath when it comes to this one, especially in the fitness industry. I’d personally rather be around people who are useful, then some glob of life depriving shit and if not in the mood to talk to or hang out with people, I won’t drag them over to my place to put the emotional weight on them. It’s my problem, I’ll handle it. If your useless or untrustworthy, then peace out, come back when you have a plan and your shit together.

8. Being charming, but only superficially.

Sociopaths can be very charismatic and friendly -- because they know it will help them get what they want. "They are expert con artists and always have a secret agenda," Rosenberg said. "People are so amazed when they find that someone is a sociopath because they're so amazingly effective at blending in. They're masters of disguise. Their main tool to keep them from being discovered is a creation of an outer personality."

As M.E. Thomas described in a post for Psychology Today: "You would like me if you met me. I have the kind of smile that is common among television show characters and rare in real life, perfect in its sparkly teeth dimensions and ability to express pleasant invitation." 

If I was charismatic and friendly, I’m not anymore, I’m more blunt and focused on the objective in front of me to be wasting my time trying to blend in or smile or create a false front. Granted there some details that I don’t share, but it’s because I’m not reminded of them or I just don’t find them to be that important enough to share. So what you see is what you get.

9. Living by the "pleasure principle."

"If it feels good and they are able to avoid consequences, they will do it! They live their life in the fast lane -- to the extreme -- seeking stimulation, excitement and pleasure from wherever they can get it," Rosenberg wrote in Human Magnet Syndrome.

I made a cake yesterday. It tasted good. It had sugar in it…still ate it. I didn’t go to the gym that day either. I’m a rebel.

10. Showing disregard for societal norms.

They break rules and laws because they don't believe society's rules apply to them, psychiatrist Dr. Dale Archer wrote in a blog on Psychology Today.

Define society’s rules? Not speeding? Grabbing the check during a date? Faking a smile while at work? Putting up with people’s bad breath?

My car does 140, so I’m getting there faster than you are. I don’t date at all; it’s a waste of time and money. I’m not smiling and laughing at your “is it Friday yet?” jokes. Go write some new material, pig. See a dentist while you’re at it.

11. Having "intense" eyes.

My eyes are more fire than all the memes on instagram and I’ve inherited these baby blues, so when I look at you, better wear sunblock.

…So how’d I do?