Positive Sarcasm Presents: "Keyboard Hero"
I ask myself many many questions thru out the day. Am I lazy, am I struggling, am I poor, am I going to work forever, can I afford this life, do I deserve what I have currently have or what I'm going to have, do I bother people too much, should I be going faster, or slower, should I give people more credit or less credit, am I reliable, am I trustworthy?
I guess I can start to answer these questions with observations:
What time do I wake, often between 5am and 6:30 depending on the day.
Coffee and tea are prepped within minutes of waking up. Most of the house responsibilities are handled by me with regularity and without much fuss. Bed's made rather easily. The day's attire is ready to go and all meals are prepared and not just door dashed or thrown on the shoulders of others. Food prep is normally all done and the cars are clean, safe, paid in full, and presentable to the general masses.
I look outside and the lawn is mowed with plenty of firewood on the pile. My email, snail-mail, text threads and and phone calls are up to date. Bills are minimal and paid for. I work to make sure my that my problems, whatever they may be, are either preventable, solvable or very manageable and that I can prioritize these problems without overtaxing my mind, body or bank accounts. Also taking into account , are some of these even problems or are just part of the infrastructure of the life that I created for myself. Do my actions affect others in way where I should be concerned? How much should I factor that into my daily or weekly decision making? I work to make sure these problems don't become others to solve or profit off of, whether it be my health or wealth. I have made this bed of privilege that I currently lie in will never back down from the reward of it to seek some kind of virtuous fulfillment of a community that seek no seat at the table with.
Here's another item to ponder among yourselves...do you or I manufacture problems that never existed to begin with? Do you have such few problems that you go online to seek out new ones? A hypothetical of that would be sitting and drinking coffee during a quiet moment, grabbing your phone to go on social media and seeing what other people are supposedly raging about and deciding to make it your problem, so you share it, comment on it or physically act upon it...where maybe you could just left your device alone and savored the moment to yourself or thought of something more constructive to do?
Part of the lens in which others may perceive people like me is that I do not frequent the areas in which the larger problems in life commonly exist. I would say that has a lot of accuracy to it. That isn't to say that was always the case, but I made a conscious effort to either avoid those environments or work to remove myself from those environments. In my opinionated conclusion, I am not responsible nor in charge for those environments. I left them intact or in better condition for others and I do not apologize for the environments that I couldn't improve along my travels, because it was either not my problem to fix or possibly outside factors at play.
I took a look at the environments where people were at peace, relaxed, had access to community and had access to a world of opportunity. I said to myself a long time go, “how do I get there?” “How long will it take for someone like me, given the tools that I currently have?” “How many setbacks do I anticipate and will it be worth once I reach that destination?”
What I did learn over the course of almost 20 years is that starting on a smaller ship or building your own, will allow you to more control over the steering than a larger one. The seas will be rougher, but the knowledge of how to navigate those waters will forever be with me, instead of leaving my fate in the hands of others. If you always choose the “safety” of a larger ship, you are far less likely to have any access to how it steers, its speed and it's destination may not be in your own interest. This can make you less important to that ship and may leave you being thrown overboard if or when it's necessary to do so.
I prefer the smaller ship that I'm on and the direction that it's currently heading. I know there are more storms ahead, but I believe I have a chance now to navigate thru them, instead of turning back and never reaching my destination. It would have been a crime if someone of my talent and drive would have never seen the shoreline.
The sun is setting on this fine day and I've earned the privilege to watch it conclude.