For most nine to fivers, Friday’s aren’t as much fun as they used to be, now that people work more hours and suck from the corporate tit out of fear of losing their jobs. There is an epidemic sweeping our nation as we speak, the problem that mutates so often that it’s hard to pinpoint. It’s been referred to as “Crazy Hat Day” or “Halloween Costume Day” or “Pajama Day”. I know it better as “Soul-less Morale Day” or “Fake Fun Day”. It is without a doubt the most pathetic excuse for employee appreciation as any I’ve ever seen…and it’s spreading. It’s essentially “World War Z” with Doctor Seuss Hats. I guess the original method of pay increases and additional time off doesn’t work anymore according to the analysts at these giant corporations. Remember this; a med student who finishes last in their entire class is still referred to as “Doctor”. Bend over; here comes the C plus proctologist!
Is there a cure for this plague? Not yet. Is there a treatment for the symptoms? I’ve conducted a few tests. Here are my results:
Fridays were originally a day to essentially wrap up your weekly workload and transition over to the weekend where rest is well deserved and fun is in demand, but now the amount of crap that needs to be shoveled has spilled over into your Fridays.
Now your weekend, which was originally filled with 80’s cover bands and one-night stands are now filled with running errands and putting in overtime. “Goofy Shoes Day” will not fix this problem. It must be solved the old fashioned way.
Most men run out of clean underwear by Thursday and a recent trend shows that women who bend over in the workplace while wearing thongs tend to stick out like a bright light in the New Mexico Desert. And if it’s one of those days where granny panties are essential, the embarrassment of them bunching up above your waistline will almost certainly destroy any credibility you may have. So what undergarments should you consider to be workplace efficient? Better yet…should you consider any undergarments at all? Consider the upside, it’s cost-efficient because you save money on laundry in the long run, less wear and tear on your skivvies, but the most important point of going commando is it’s quietly exciting.
There is nothing more exhilarating than knowing all that separates you from your coworkers is a thin layer of corduroy, denim or for the serious players, silk. For the ladies that believe they can enjoy a commando Friday while wearing a dress, you’re referred to as Patriots for your constant bravery while maneuvering the workplace with such gravitas.
Now there are no baby steps for this, you just have to throw it all on the line and make sure your pants don’t have any holes in them. It truly is a dirty secret that you carry throughout your day at the office and every person you speak with; you quietly know that a party is downstairs…and you’re the first one invited! Now you don’t have to go stag to this event, if you’re a fun person and a careful planner, there may be others at the office willing to join you in this weekly adventure of fresh air and fun fabrics. It’s truly a secret club that doesn’t take away from your personal appearance but only adds that extra pep into your step. Be advised to take additional steps for weekly or monthly issues that may hinder your Friday work experience. And if you feel that additional steps should be taken to enhance your workplace on Commando Friday, I believe as long you weigh the pro’s and con’s carefully and monitor your “output” or “intake”, this experience will happily help you sail through the workday and into the weekend, where underwear is truly a foreign object. As far as the silly hat? Burn it.